.Live.Laugh.Love.

Headache.

2011-10-07T12:39:00.000-04:00

Google is awesomely annoying. It couldn't possibly be any more difficult to transfer my calendar, blogger and forward emails than this. The only thing that went smooth and accordingly was the export/import of my contacts. Here's hoping my headache goes away when I try to sync my droid with my new gmail account.

Laws of Attraction: II

2011-09-16T21:03:00.003-04:00

Law II.

preconceived notions of persons of interest tend to surpass what they actually end up bringing to the table... benefit of the doubt does not exist yet.

Laws of Attraction

2011-09-10T17:31:00.003-04:00

Law I.

Guys that I find attractive, charming, funny, smart, or that otherwise peak my rare interest, will have a significant other.
Whether they admit it before or after I find out from said significant other, or even a random person, is left entirely to chance.

Sheepy

2011-09-05T22:29:00.004-04:00

The anxiety of having to sleep is often much much worse than the actuality of having to fall asleep. I envy people like one of my roommates who can just flop down and within minutes be sound asleep. I could do that too--if I was drunk.
Reason #247 why alcohol is simply amazing.

Ever Thine, Ever Mine

2011-08-28T14:47:00.006-04:00

I'm not sure why I want a quote tattoo, seeing as I'm having the hardest time finding a quote that represents me. More specifically, one I will not tire of in the near future, or grow out of. Quotes and pictures hold the same values that songs do for me--I have what fits for the present time, soon to be replaced with something newer, better, more fitting.

Lights, Camera...Coffee

2011-08-26T22:17:00.004-04:00

I am officially an intern for WGRZ Channel 2 News, Buffalo.

I have NO idea what this will entail aside from standard PR duties, but am completely thrilled at this amazing opportunity in my life!

One right decision can have a domino effect on your life, at least for a little while.

I love my college.

Blast From The Past

2011-08-13T21:17:00.007-04:00

Recently, I've been interacting with old friends from high school-- mostly men, mostly randomly--and occasionally some friends from 3 or 4 years ago when I first started community college.

What amused me today is that I legitimately liked these people from a distance when I was in school with them, and how far we've all come. Guys I would've killed to date back then... are totally not my type and probably never were, to be honest. Really, what was I thinking?

Religiously Not

2011-08-12T22:32:00.002-04:00

Religion keeps popping up-- my friends' conversations in passing, protesters, interviewers (does it literally state no tattoos in the bible?), my grandparents, or me nonchalantly noticing things.

I can't help but wonder why we choose to have our belief and confidence in ourselves restored via something as superficial as religion. True, I'm not as objective as I'd like, but in the grand scheme of things, I do need facts. I need proof. There should be no reasonable doubt. Not even a shadow of what could be labeled reasonable doubt.

Religion, as I've come to know it, started as one thing. Then depending on who you ask, it turns out to be several different other things. Birthdays aren't allowed here, holidays are frowned upon there, and ultimately the bible is open to interpretation (see: one should not lie, cheat, steal, etc.). I am more than fine with my religious family & friends; even possibly believing that there may be something that brought everything together. I am less-than-fine with the overwhelming fan club. The do-gooders who spend their's and their children's lives trying to convince people like me that people like them are the "right" ones.

First Amendment aside, our rights end where someone else's begin.

I recently discovered one of my friends, her husband, and her mother, all whom I've done previous theatre shows with, decided it was in their best interest to no longer have me as a friend. I concluded this came from my being an agnostic-mostly-liberal citizen, but upon closer inspection may have just been over my not paying proper respects when asked to join idolizing Sarah Palin and her... "intelligence".

Even on my good days I couldn't fake that kind of acting. I give credit where credit is due, and it is not going to someone who continuously phrases the most idiotic things I've heard in a long time.

...

I believe in what I see as the focal point to religion(s): moral values instilled in oneself and then reflected on others. I fail to believe in thanking (praising) or blaming elsewhere for what could be circumstantial coincidences.

We should believe in ourselves. That we hold the keys to happiness, success, failures, love, riches, knowledge; anything we desire. We hold intrinsic value to one another, and it is powerful. Believe in yourself. You are the only one making your dreams come true. Fate, luck, coincidence, miracles, psychics, astrologists, horoscopes aside; the decisions we make are ours and ours alone.From that, the future is born.

Awkward

2011-08-08T22:50:00.006-04:00

the power of awkwardness can go pretty far, i discovered. it exceeds the overbearing emotions that we sometimes have to fight off. which i guess can be a good thing; awkwardness prevents something that was terrible when it happened, from happening again...usually.

but just how far are we willing to go to avoid a silent apartment, empty fridge, temporarily depleted bank account and dark bedroom?

sporadically, i've found these things to be very much welcome (not the bank account one); in a series of one night after another, not so much. according to my horoscope, there's an obvious answer that i'm missing somewhere. i just don't see it.

Solo is Sweet

2011-08-07T11:06:00.003-04:00

came across this article on HelloGiggles.com, founded by one of my favorite actresses Zooey Deschanel. Since I've done most of them on more than one occasion (save for #5--i'm better with adults than I am with children and pets), I thought I would share.

WHY I GO TO PARTIES ALONE AND YOU SHOULD TOO…

by Sophia Rossi

For the past few years I have adopted this new policy about going to parties, friends’ birthdays – really any social event. Here it is: “If you are not going to leave when I want to leave I will go alone.” That is literally my only requirement.

I think it’s important in any relationship to always be on the same page and that starts with knowing someone’s time commitment. I am the type of girl that will do anything for an hour but any longer is really a big commitment and it probably won’t happen. I have a few friends that are on the same page as me and we go through our friends’ birthdays without leaving a trace. I was recently at a party in NYC for BHLDN (Anthropology sister line) and I hadn’t planned it properly with my meetings and it meant I was going alone. This normally would give people social anxiety but I have mastered this and here are some tips:

1. Always looks like you have a purpose. This doesn’t mean looking bored at your phone or making flirty eye contact with strangers, it means having confidence. Most of the time you have come to a party to make someone else happy, so being alone shouldn’t feel shameful. You are doing them the favor. Act as if a friend is coming to meet you but just hasn’t shown up yet. People sense that vibe and they respect it.

2. Never be rude to strangers. I shouldn’t have to teach you this since you are a human being and a part of society but you would be surprised to see how often I see this. Waiters are your friends here – not just because they will serve you a drink to ease the discomfort but because they are holding positions. Ask them about their lives and then secure them as your home base in case you get antsy.

3. Never say goodbye. The biggest mistake you will make at a party is to say your goodbyes to everyone, especially the host. Do not call attention to your departure. I know you think it’s rude but trust me, it’s not. Get out of theere ASAP. Never leave your victims wanting more.

4. Don’t be the Babysitter. I have often felt that at weddings, I have a better time when I go dateless than I would if I brought someone. If you are going to bring someone, they have to have another person they know there or you are the babysitter. No one wants to be around the babysitter and truthfully, why would you go out and give yourself that assignment? Also, for obvious reasons, don’t bring people who are liable and who will get way too drunk or try and bring up Israel and Palestine issues. Those people don’t go over well.

5 Find the kids, old people or animals. This is the tip I personally use the most. I get along with kids better than adults. We don’t have to get into my issues but it’s just what makes me feel the safest. I will scan the room and instantly look for some kids to play with. I talk kid, teen and even baby – anything older and I risk the chance of bombing and I can’t emotionally handle that. While everyone might not be into kids, this could also work with animals. They require some heavy petting and playing that can keep you occupied. Old people are sort of a stretch but I sort of enjoy a sassy grandmother or a flirtatious grandfather so that is what makes me happy at parties.

Bonus!

Don’t go to these things hungry because they really only serve enough food to nibble at and it’s really not cute to fill yourself up with 10-15 hors d’oeuvres just to survive.

But Why?

2011-07-25T19:43:00.002-04:00

I believe every day someone thinks about something that isn't--something that went wrong, something that's not what they thought it would be. I'm kind of the same way. But today I woke up and thought a new thought-- why bother wondering why? It'll never get answered, and if it does, who's to say it would be answered honestly? Sometimes I do believe everything happens for a reason--sometimes i have significant doubt to the contrary.
Either way, regardless of what I want or what it means, it is what it is. I'm not about to waste any more time mulling over the details.

And So It Is.

2011-07-18T23:50:00.002-04:00

Aside from having Damien Rice stuck in my head, which always puts me in a pensive mood no matter how hard i try to ignore it, i'm decently happy.
my new-old-friend and i go back and forth about how we're "dying"; him of a ridiculously high fever and me of potential liver failure (kidding of course) ((well not him; he had the flu)).
and inevitably, "any life regrets" gets asked, joking or not.

i have but one regret.
not the excessive amount of scumbaggy assholes i've *barely* dated, taking up less than a year of my life per scumbag. not the friend choices, college choices, the fact that i started in 2006 and won't receive a Bachelor's degree until Dec 2012, not the amount of money i waste on something of a week-to-week basis, not the crummy relationship i have with my family, not the lack of real relationships that i've ever had.

nope, those are just tiny insignificant facts on my resume of life.

but one. one stupid little thing that i can't ignore. that i can't talk or cry or laugh or flirt my way out of. that i can't control. that has the potential to control me, or certain aspects of my life. that i eventually do need to inform person(s) of. that i will take to my grave from everybody else.

...just one, but if anyone asks, my answer will always be zero.

I Am My Father's Daughter

2011-07-14T21:26:00.004-04:00

I just turned on my own personal beliefs. I always maintained an independent, take care of yourself, priority one attitude. Until I spoke with someone who also shared those same values. "What's mine is mine; what's yours is yours" works--until you say "I do".
I cannot believe I had to point this out to my 24-years-of-married father.
More to the point, I'm stunned that that's where I obtained my original views from.

Just how far should one's independence carry? How do we determine where the line should be drawn on things of any value?

I think I'm sticking with my 50/50 rule. Equal partners, equal shares, equal marriage.

Socially Accepted

2011-07-12T11:17:00.005-04:00

I'm thinking about how much time I actually spend online these days... since my apartment no longer has cable, I'm not necessarily counting hours logged to watch TV shows... but at any given time I have about 15 different tabs open!
Gmail
Google +
Facebook
Blogger
Yahoo
Twitter
Youtube
Foursquare
Runkeeper
LinkedIn

and so on... all social networking-ish! This is getting insane...

Not So Subtle

2011-07-08T11:44:00.004-04:00

"are you going to ask me out on a real date or are we going to keep playing friendsies?"

...

"dinner?"

[im]patient

2011-07-05T20:27:00.002-04:00

waiting for the new jobplace to open in it's new location...
i mean, having summer completely off, save for one class every day, is fun and everything... but i want to work. and by work, i mean have more cash than i do now.
i'm just frustrated, and annoyed; the details i get are vague, if any at all.

Nevermind Forgive... Forgetting Would Be Nice

2011-06-27T21:16:00.003-04:00

memories are haunting. especially when they come in the form of ANOTHER person altogether. God clearly has a sense of humor... which is what i would say if i were religious.
since i'm not, i'm saying: the idea that each individual is unique from one another is maintained by the simple fact that...we should all be unique from one another! this theory fails considerably when someone looks, walks, talks, sounds, dresses, and has the general same personality of someone else. someone you're trying to forget.

in other news, i coerced an older guy from my high school who's now a buffalo cop to take me and Alex to a shooting range... this should be fun as neither of us has shot a gun before! but new hobbies are fun. and distracting.

Equal Love

2011-06-25T12:20:00.003-04:00

NYC Times Square rally

finally NY passed gay rights marriage law!!!!!!!

Playing It Safe

2011-06-24T17:17:00.006-04:00

I've recently decided, recently meaning in the span of today, to just assume that people are lying.
people are lying, until what is said is proved otherwise. until there is actual, factual proof; good intentions or no; people are lying.

Many The Miles

2011-06-20T19:26:00.003-04:00

I've been putting off working out, but my friend charlie took the time to point out saturday night that it's really not fair for me to turn away guys based on their weight/physical fitness since i myself don't exercise much. fair enough, but i also pointed out that they would qualify as slightly overweight, whereas i do not.

at any rate, since class was dismissed an hour early due to an unscheduled fire drill in the building, i decided i might as well run today.

it took me 12 minutes to run a mile. i used to be able to do it in 4-5 minutes. frankly most of my time spent walking was me trying to get Pandora to work (running in silence sucks), my phone to not die, and to check the jogtracker map i was using.
...i'm going to continue this crap again until i'm at least back to my old high school time records.

City Love

2011-06-17T10:59:00.006-04:00

safe to say my friends and i have secured some ridiculously cheap ways of going to downtown buffalo and having an absolute blast for little to no money~
taking the train down is cheap; less than $2 a ticket, and we live right near a stop at the university.

nine times out of ten, one of us recognizes somebody in any of the places we randomly decide to go to... bouncer, bartender, other friends, etc. it's usually not long until we're alternating between vodka-diets (me), rum-cokes (them), and shots of rumplemintz that have already been paid for. last night all i did was make eye contact and smile at the bartender and my drink along with 3 shots magically appeared in front of me and didn't cost me anything but what i tipped him. tipping is more than polite; it should be required, free drinks or no free drinks.

there's free concerts almost every single night somewhere in the city. even the tickets for the beer tents aren't bad. the beach is an hour away, which is unpleasant but goes by fast with 6 people packed in one car and all of whom kick in $1 for parking. beach happy hours are my absolute favorite-- 2 drinks for 3.75 from 3-6 every day.

cab rides are better free; the more entertained your driver is on the way home, the more likely it is that he'll happily switch off the meter while you blast the radio and dance around inside (works best in a cabby van).

I guess i do have a love-hate relationship with Buffalo. I still hate winter, and I will still be moving when I graduate. but for now, things could be a lot worse!

My Heart

2011-06-12T00:00:00.006-04:00

I had an epiphany while in class a few days ago. we were discussing how society projects that it is un-manly for men to show emotions, pain, or weakness.
so my little wandering brain went away with this information and pictured some unpleasant things. my inability to care about pain, to be precise. which is disturbing on many levels.
every time i've ended a relationship, it was with a guy who had a lot of feelings and liked to talk about them frequently. it was with the guys who showed me their insecurities, depended on me, looked up to me, etc. it was with the guys who had more mood swings than i did.
i'm not sure how or when the relationship with Prince Charming went south. which is funny, because the overall thing only lasted 3-4 months. i think his constant neediness and insecurities slowly suffocated me. but towards the end, and up till our last (and i'm thinking final) fight about two weeks ago, i somehow turned into the guy before him, Mr. Right Now.
i was insensitive. i was brutally honest. i was not putting up with anything anymore and i spared nothing to let that be known. i don't know what that was, some cold hearted bitch deep inside me, but it's there.

what startled me in class was the thought that maybe that's who i am now, that who i am just doesn't care. the thought of someone, anyone--friend, boyfriend,random person--crying about something to you is supposed to melt your heart a little, not freeze it up.

Life's a Beach

2011-06-08T22:16:00.005-04:00

toying with the idea of going to the beach merely to scope out the guy scene (like they don't do it to us); since my summer class has only a handful of nerdy guys and gay guys (much love). hey, last year i met a pumped tattooed italian who worked for his father's law office... at this point really anything would be scenic-ly better than my apartment, my classroom, and my car.

beach + bar + friends + guys = fun times

Is It Me Or You?

2011-06-06T01:00:00.005-04:00

i get really agitated at my friends sometimes. i try not to judge, because we've all been in the opposite chair before, but now...

i find myself getting further and further disgusted by my friends who continuously go back to one guy that they shouldn't be with and that they know they shouldn't be with. do we as women really have that little respect in ourselves? i'm the first to admit that i picked the wrong guy for the right reasons more than once, but i'm not the person going back over and over and over... i played the same games my friends are playing with their exes, but i finished a hell of a lot faster and seemingly learned more.

am i mad at them or myself? them for being retarded, or me for having previously made those same mistakes? at them because they put on a great front that they're stronger, they're self sufficient, independent, need no man, only come to find out that was a great facade and they all go crawling back? or am i afraid that maybe, just maybe, i'm the same way?

i just can't morally, consciously, logically support settling, for or from anybody. and this bothers me, it really does. to have to think of settling is unsettling. where did we learn it's ok to get treated like absolute dirt with no respect, as long as "deep down" there's something there that looks like love?

we can't possibly be that dumb.

i've gone on some great dates lately. i know what i'm looking for, i know what i'm not looking for, and i'm having fun in the meantime. so why is the irrational behavior of my friends getting under my skin? i guess i'm just sick of hearing about it. the same it, everytime. different people, same situations; just one big hypocritical mess.

Define This

2011-06-02T16:00:00.007-04:00

Sociology is giving me a headache.
I have no idea how I even got into the 300 level class with no prior classes, but I was definitely not expecting it to be like this. Most of us assumed, taking gender roles in society, that the topic of most interest would be feminism, women, rights of, etc. The first book i had to purchase? "Dude, You're A Fag".
We are studying gays, masculinity of. Apparently, there's a male side to the origins of finding your identity, fitting into society, rising above in the workplace, and so on. Selfishly so, I never even thought about what a guy goes through as part of the growing up process. I did get extra credit points for relating the first chapter to an article I read about a set of parents who refused to give the sex of their baby, and opted to let the child grow up to be whomever and whatever "it" wanted.
No pants/sports/color blue to define the boy,
no skirts/hairstyles/barbies to define the girl.

So many definitions!
Not in the literal sense, but implied. What defines gay? What defines the difference between a man and a woman? Nature vs Nuture; are we biologically born our own way or, as recent evolution within society is showing us, can you be straight and then gay? Can you be a man, and then a woman? How can we say who can marry who, when the "who" is interchangeable, both sexually and genetically? I used to believe what my gay friends told me, that they were born that way, that they "just always knew", but in today's society, what do we know anymore?

Up&Down&Up

2011-05-29T15:50:00.006-04:00

i cannot sit still today. school starts tues at buffalo state, because my college doesn't really do summer sessions-- i rationalized this insane amount of schooling with the solid fact that i will graduate a semester early, and taking two classes elsewhere is cheaper than staying an extra semester at my school.

since a beach trip is in my near future,
i need some new books to read =)

I Think, Not

2011-05-28T01:23:00.012-04:00

is it bad to forget? to completely remove and withdraw from any memory of a previous mistake?
or is it better to rethink, rehash, and otherwise remember? luckily for me, any bad involvements i got myself into, ended with my being completely removed from the situation: new job, new apartment, new cell phone number, new new new. no chance of second chances, no accidentally-on-purpose-while-i'm-wearing-my-new-outfit spottings, no voice mails, no texts, no emails. pictures were tucked away out of sight, or thrown out. social networking sites were deleted or unfriended. so why, why do i keep checking? why do i care?
i'm moderately confused at my own curiosity, but i refuse to even entertain the thought.

Working On Working Out

2011-05-25T19:21:00.004-04:00

reason #467 why I hate exercising... aside from the burning muscles, the fact that i always seem to work out immediately following eating, the laziness of not wanting to actually do physical labor; aside from that, a summary of today's run:
my hairtie snapped, a bobby pin stabbed me, my headphones broke, my ipod died, i tripped up onto a curb, and i stepped in some apparently invisible dog crap on the sidewalk.

however, my favorite sequined skirt currently won't zip up, so i will continue with this torture until it does. =(

That's Obscene?

2011-05-24T18:26:00.005-04:00

The jury is still out on this one-- from where and what did obscenities originate? who decided that the middle finger was a crude gesture, or that random words that probably weren't even words to begin with, were a sign of disrespect or vulgarity? I periodically get curious and attempt research, but have come up with zilch. it seems no one really knows where these came from, and yet somehow everyone knows that they're "bad".

I remember the first time i swore (really who doesn't) and I don't know where i even heard the word from--tv was limited & monitored in my house, so my sister and i only watched educational shows, or nothing at all-- but the first time "shit" ever escaped from my mouth, my ass turned colors i didnt even think were humanly possible. the next few times were from school.

this is so backwards i can't even make it up: i learned more bad habits from the catholic schools i went to than i had originally learned from the public elementary school. Sure the religious schools were insanely strict; shirt tucked in, uniforms must be ironed, hair a certain length, no makeup, no music, weekly prayer, 1 item of jewelry to be worn at a time, etc.

These same schools were also the first places i encountered the rest of the swear words i hadn't been subjected to, what flipping the bird meant and creative ways to do it, exactly what flashing was, what a penis looks like drawn as well an original viewing of (middle school boys pantsing-style) and a little later, exactly what sex was.
though if i may interject, the middle school guys i was friends with, were still grossed out by that; the high school guys i was friends with (while in middle school), were not. my dad started sheltering a wee bit too early. also because of the male species (up to and including my dad), i missed out on a lot of cool field trips & other overnight activities because i wasn't in an all girl school and it was "inappropriate" for me to be around guys that much. for shits and giggles i seriously considered implying that they wanted me to be a lesbo, but i'm not that good of an actor.

it does make me wonder if one set of oober religious parents somewhere sat down, deemed all these things to be the signs of evil, and one by one society followed. religion, after all, has been considered the opiate of the masses. majority does rule; words that we've created and used are suddenly appearing as legit in the dictionary: ringtone, drama queen, d'oh, muffin top--also abbreviations we created; OMG, LOL, BFF. when will we draw the line? or is it absolutely impossible in an ever-changing world?

It's A Court Order

2011-05-17T21:40:00.007-04:00

a few weeks prior i earned myself yet another ticket... failure to come to a complete stop. happy to say i have never had more than one ticket for per type of infraction; no seatbelt, failure to yield, moving violation, speeding, and now a rolling stop. i am one of those people who don't learn until they get nailed for it.
anyway, this one earned me four night classes at a random community college, for defensive driving...classes where, among other things, we discuss our bad habits, alcohol absorption, cell phones in relation to deadly accidents (complete with videos) and stress. i failed the last one because for the life of me, i can't come up with 10 separate stressors.i wasn't even the youngest person there, i was the 4th oldest. people still in high school had 15+ stressors listed, from sports to driving to school to mom and dad... my list? money, biology, philosophy, and occasionally work.
"but aren't you single?" from the orange 16 year old.
"well, yes, but i'm not stressed about finding a guy..." a response that baffled every girl sitting there.... guys, there are GUYS everywhere. anyone that thinks this isn't a small world, hasn't been out in enough of it.
but judging from the looks i have been getting in class, my world will retain more guy friends than girl friends.
darn my luck.

Baby

2011-05-14T17:38:00.007-04:00

I met up with my oldest friend Rachel for lunch at a tiny italian bistro around the corner from where i live and from she works. It's cute, it's quaint, and it's usually quiet...but today seemed to find every family with child going there to enjoy healthy eatery and...fine wine. I'm not entirely sure of when it happened, but suddenly i am acutely aware of the amount of children around me.

Rachel, who "only wants kids when ovulating" (her words, not mine) was happily waving to and making silly faces at the baby chubbers next to me, while it (sex yet to be determined) seemed content throwing objects with amazing precision in my direction. mildly perturbed.

Pet Peeve #...uhh 15?(i lost count)--bringing babies/children/offspring into a non-child-friendly environment. and then ignoring them.

i understand, of course, the last-minute-babysitter-cant-make-it-friend-in-town-for-only-a-day reasons, sure. but the frequency of this exact situation sans Rachel happening to me, is starting to get on my nerves.

babies are cute. babies are fun. babies should not be left unattended. let the record show that i'm only awkward around them some of the time and not all, which is a significant improvement.

at this point i've opted not to have kids. subject to change when i get a little older, and get the thought of "but then i won't be a size 2 anymore" out of my head. (which is a legit concern of mine until i figure out if it's genetics or not that determine that). I am moderately offended that my other friend, with 3 kids aged 1-4years old, cannot understand why i'm not jumping at the chance to drive an hour away to see her, to be ignored for the most part while she's chasing down one kid and 2 others are dragging me away to go play with them. not my scene.

i guess i've just had baby on the brain (not in a "must have one" way) lately due to reoccurring scenes and a decrease in the number of friends who are social and free to drink (coinciding with an increase in the number of pregnancies). hopefully this too, shall pass.

***no babies were directly or intentionally insulted during the writing of this blog***

Logic, Schmogic

2011-05-03T23:23:00.004-04:00

Today, dear diary, is my last all-nighter to be pulled for school related purposes. 8am bright and early, 15 students out of a class of 24, i among them, will shuffle themselves into a 5th floor classroom of what resembles an old Catholic school building (which, it is) and begin the 120 minute task of: The Final Exam.

Aristotle would be pleased.

I, not so much. I have deemed Logic to be one of those unnecessary classes (directly underneath biology and physics); classes of which we either know it but don't, or simply do it on a day to day basis subconsciously.
I'm sure somehow, somewhere, i will be a better person for learning that a sound, valid argument has 2 clear premises and 1 solid conclusion, or the usefulness of a backwards Venn diagram (yes backwards, i swear i was taught at some point that filling in a circle partially represented space in that circle, and not "nothing").

In other news, within the span of 3 days, both of my roommates found themselves unattached; Ally from her 5 year relationship with her first-of-anything-ever boyfriend, and Mary from her on-again-off-again datefest with a pothead who loves videogames (i thought i wasn't living with my sister anymore...?). This fact is not as disturbing as their actual views on singlehood. i won't elaborate but safe to say i'm beginning to feel insulted. i see nothing wrong with how i live my single life, from all aspects, which may actually be part of the problem....but that's another picture to be painted another time.

in other other news, i should soon be returning to the wonderful world of bartending... if not serving, which im not sure how i feel about, but an actual cash flow would be nice.

more to come, i'm sure.

WoW (NOT world of warcraft, but a legitimate expression of surprise)

2011-04-16T18:58:00.007-04:00

Holy smokes i have a blog. I had forgotten about you! and re-reading my post from a year ago, thank god i had! A lot has changed over the year, and i'm very happy it has...mostly.

To pick apart my last entry, i still don't really communicate with my family in general. we're just not that type of family. I do routinely visit my grandparents, mainly to make sure they're still moving and functioning properly.

Oh--the fantastic teacher who helped me out in high school? turned out to be just another skeezeball, hidden underneath the "nice man" image. he, being all of 40-something years old and married to boot, randomly came into the bar i was working at one night (mind you i haven't seen this guy since 2004). He then proceeded to rack up a larger than average bar tab (which he never did pay) and did the gentlemanly thing of walking me to my car at 2am after my shift.. or so i thought until he attempted to plant one on me...while wearing the wedding ring. i did feel emotionally violated for a bit after that. respect is hard to earn and even harder to give these days.

I finally did stop making the wrong decisions with Mr. Right Now so that he could return to his UnHappily Ever After, and moved on to what appeared to be Prince Charming until that started turning into a nightmare itself. we decided to break it off and attempt to be friends; and by "we" i mean me, and by "attempt" i mean it's not going very well. At this point i am taking the time to map out my next game plan, up to and including how often to date and when to begin other things. With the latter being a bit more tricky now that i have a conscience and morals, i'm simply just having fun going out with friends and taking life as it comes.

I always wondered what my grades in college would be like if i never had any other imposing priorities, and lo and behold did i get my wish. it's really strange, actually working to my full potential, and i'm starting to enjoy it; no more papers whipped up at the last second, no more half-assed assignments.

overall, i have assessed that i am smarter than i thought =)

grateful....grateful...grateful?

2010-05-29T17:06:00.003-04:00

I haven't actually ever thought about this before, but since a decent amount of things have happened to me in my life span, i am certainly grateful for certain things and people in my life.

for starters, i do not have nor maintain a healthy relationship with my dad. some days i can't really tell if this is a conscious or subconscious decision. this inevitably led to my connecting with other father figures in my life around 9th-10th grade and continuing randomly throughout my life, and i am eternally grateful for them. The one that really sticks out for me was my high school music teacher, who i never really got to say goodbye to when he left teaching suddenly.

I am grateful for my guy friends; they are like older brothers to me, and are always there when i need it. i love my girl friends who know exactly why i'm crushed and how to make it right, even if temporarily. More often than i'd like to admit, my friends believe in me more than i do myself.

last but not least, i'm grateful that any truly bad choice i've made has only affected me and not those around me.